Welcome to my diary series

 Hi everyone! I'm so sorry for being inactive on this blog :( For the longest time, I honestly didn't know what I wanted the functionality of this blog to be. I had no vision of it's potential, but now, I think I want it to act as a bridge into my personal life. I know you guys have seen my journal entries and although they reflect pieces of me, I want my blog to be more personal. I want you guys to know more about me. Before- I wanted my blog posts to be formatted in a way where I shared past stories and experiences that you could learn from. I wanted my solutions and analysis to be helpful. However, the more I'm experiencing life and I've caught up on writing past experiences; I can no longer come up with solutions for existing experiences. I'm still trying to figure life out and so I've decided to change my approach to writing blog posts. The new format will be to write in a diary form. From now on, what you guys will be reading is my diary. 

It's been a while since I last uploaded, so I have a lot to catch you up on. 

So, first things first - hello! I hope you've all been well, staying safe through these pandemic days :(

To review, This year in twenty-twenty; I got engaged, I hired a life coach, and created my very first digital planner! I write these things to remind myself of how fortunate and grateful I am for these recent life events. To be honest juggling wedding planning, digital planner making, and accomplishing weekly tasks my life coach and I set for myself has been overwhelming at times. Fighting burn-out, fears, pressures, along with other mental health issues has been beyond tiring. I always hit a breaking point it seems where my negative thoughts get the best of me, and I fall back into old habits of procrastinating and sleeping all day as not to deal with my emotions. It becomes unhealthy in my eyes when that's all I want to do for weeks at a time. I talked to my life coach about this today and we went back to the drawing board. We got into the nitty-gritty details of why I didn't accomplish some of my tasks, helped me complete one task today, and offered solutions. One solution was joining support groups on Facebook so that I'm surrounded by people who understand anxiety and depression and want to better their lives just as I do. I'm going to continue watching self-affirmation videos on Youtube.

I felt much better after our discussion. I felt motivated and hopeful. She never at one point made me feel bad for not accomplishing what I wanted to this week, instead, she was helpful and I really appreciate that. I felt so motivated I wrote this blog lol. I'm proud of myself for receiving help. There were so many times where I felt so distraught this month, with the loss of celebrity Chadwick Boseman from the Marvel movies, and suicide prevention month bringing up so many triggers... I kind of lost sight of all my new hopes and dreams and halted my new healthy habits and sunk back into my old way of thinking and acting. Like the saying goes, "Old habits die hard."

However, I have to remind myself that these feelings are temporary. I am reverting back into my old habits of sleeping a lot and not wanting to leave my room because it's what I've known for so long, and for so long it brought me comfort. However, I am not the same person I used to be. I grew out of those habits. Those coping mechanisms no longer serve me. It does not make me feel better, it makes me feel worse. I want to be able to face my fears, and pressures, struggles, and falling back into old habits won't help me achieve my new aspirations and dreams. I guess the message I engrave in myself is to "stop shrinking to fit places I've outgrown." Every day the world is changing, and I am changing and evolving with it. I am growing and blooming into the best version of myself and I shouldn't be scared of this change and growth. 

Anyway, thank you for reading. I really appreciate everyone and anyone who has ever stopped by this blog post, I'm sorry I was lost for a little while and neglected to write on here. Now, I know that these posts are the start of my diary series. I look forward to sharing more with you, the reader. Have a wonderful day, and continue to bloom for yourself. <3