Social media rant

To be honest, I’ve been avoiding writing a blog post about this, but I’m not okay. I haven’t been okay for days.

Turning on the news, turning on the media, fills me with grief and sadness and anger. It’s 2020, how are these injustices still present today? 

I noticed a trend. The first thing I do every morning is update myself on the current news and the rest of the day I spend posting #fightthisinjustice #justiceforgeorgefloyd #blacklivesmatter content, resources and support for these causes that I feel drained. Not sure if I am being heard, not sure if I am making a difference but knowing that I want to speak up about what I believe in. 

I am mentally exhausted and I forget to rest. Rest so that I may continue my support towards this movement.   For some reason this cycle and exhaustion has finally left me in bed, unable to face the world, annoyed by everyone and everything. I’m just flustered and filled with bent up anger that I am cracking. I am yelling and slightly damaging the relationships around me. I go around unhappy, unmotivated, angry and moody. So enough is enough.

I am going to detach slightly from social media to give myself some space. It’s hard tackling my own day to day mental heath problems and then being affected by environmental problems on The daily as well. It’s too much. I don’t want to feel hopeless or helpless anymore; or that my voice is reaching no one. 

*I know at this point in time, no one even reads this blog and I only have 200 followers on Instagram but even still, I am posting content that is important to me, and hoping that if this content reaches anyone, that they know they are not alone. I am right there with you bud*

I am overwhelmed and can’t focus on my mental health goals and so I need to shift the focus. 

Side note: my therapist said I am trying to change the world on a global scale which is why I am feeling hopeless. She recommends I try to put this energy into my inner circle. Talk about this at the dinner table and know that everyone at the dinner table will then talk to their extended inner circle of friends and each inner circle will increase and become known on a global scale by focusing on the local scale. She’s right of course. But I was too blinded to see this because I was allowing my emotions to control me.

So yes, I am stepping back from social media. Only posting and logging off. I will be focusing on my self care and career, which I have been putting on hold. 

I still deeply care about this movement (that hasn’t changed), but I also have to care deeply about myself too (my mental, physical and emotional health).

Anyway, sorry for this rant. Just a little update on my mental health. My brain has been overflowing with thoughts, but hopefully I can stabilize soon. 

Here are some black lives matter spreads I’ve made this past week to support the cause. For descriptions, visit my Instagram @onepageofselfcareaday 

Until next time!