Falling in love again

When I was younger, I loved to read. I loved reading young adult books. I fantasied about being the main character and going on an adventure. For some reason I gravitated towards fantasy books filled with magic, princesses, knights and dragons.

I think every little girl dreams of being their favorite character, in a movie, tv show or book. My favorite book series growing up was the Goose Girl series by Shannon Hale. I always dreamed of being Queen Ani.

Although, being royalty is not realistic, I loved Ani’s character development. Being shy and unsure of herself at the beginning of the book, she was able to conquer her fears, marry her love, and reclaim her role as queen from the traitor maid-in-waiting, by the end of the book, with the support of her friends. She was my role model.

When I was younger, I resonated with the older Ani. In middle school I was very shy, I stayed inside mostly, and would spend my days watching anime, playing video games such as sims, neopets, or runescape, and only chatting with friends through MySpace. I was a very obedient child, never caused trouble for my mom (she was actually my best friend at the time).

It wasn’t until after my first romantic relationship, I realized I became my own worst enemy and far from the Ani I wanted to be. I was so broken, that I didn’t even recognize the person I once was and felt I could never retrieve my youth or innocence.

However, what felt like the end of my story, was only one chapter in it. For the next chapter in my life, I made steps to be like Ani. I forgave myself for my past mistakes. I promised myself I would become the best version of myself possible and so, I faced my pain instead of ignoring it. I worked on one emotion at a time. I stopped throwing tantrums and focused on releasing my anger in a healthy way. I undid everything I had become. I thought to myself, who do I want to be? And made efforts towards becoming that person. Through these changes I was finally able to accept and love this new person. I transformed as many times as I needed in order to be happy and free.



I’m glad I was finally able to enter this chapter of my life and experience my own character development where my life partner treats me like the queen I admired from my favorite book.

So, please hold on. If the chapter you’re on seems grim and unbearable, a new chapter will soon follow, I promise. You can write your own story. You can be the strong main character you want to be. It takes time and effort. I believe everyone deserves a happily ever after and you have to power to form that destiny. Just as I did, transform as many times as you need to in order to love yourself. People will treat you poorly if you allow them to. So treat yourself with the utmost respect, because you deserve to be happy and free. Be your own version of Queen Ani or your favorite character. What would they do in your situation, it helped me to put myself in the shoes of the person I admire. Who is your role model?