My Mother is My Superhero

Hi friends,

Mother's Day is coming up and so I thought I'd tell you about the most amazing woman I know, my mom!

My mother is the strongest person I know! She left her home country when she was just 18 years old. She learned a new language and culture and raised two kids as a single mother.

We were laughing just the other day because while we were cleaning the house, we sorted through a box full of paperwork and found a receipt of a child support check for ONLY $60 dollars and lawyer receipt charging my biological father for his "inappropriate attitude" during phone calls and meetings. To be able to laugh years later demonstrates her incredible strength.

My father was an alcoholic and my mom actually met him when she went to pick up my uncle and his "classmate" after an AA meeting.

My mother endured so much pain because of his abusive nature (just as my ex had done to me). My father once put a gun to my mother's head at a restaurant, when they were in the midst of a custody battle.

She never had the luxury to put her life on hold and focus on her emotions, because she had two daughters to raise and so, I remember before I was diagnosed as clinically depressed, I didn't seek help because I felt ashamed and guilty. I would tell myself "why can't I be strong like my mom?" She went through worse situations but she persevered. She never once had suicidal thoughts, "why can't I do the same?"

Because my mother is so forthright and headstrong, she didn't understand why I was struggling so much. She thought I should just "snap out of it." I wanted to, but it wasn't something I could control.

In my family, there used to be a stigma against mental health. No one ever talked about it. It's like depression was a made-up thing. It didn't exist. There were many arguments and lots of miscommunication. For years, I couldn't talk to my mom about my feelings. I know she was concerned and wanted me to be happy, but this topic was so foreign to her. It hurt when she would say, "Why can't you just be normal?"

It wasn't until I called the suicide hotline two days in a row when I finally went up to her crying. I told her straight up, "mom, I need you to be my mom tonight." I told her I called the suicide hotline and I wanted to take my own life. I told her if I didn't get help, I wouldn't be here tomorrow (meaning, this lifetime). She finally understood the gravity of the situation, and she and my sister talked, and told me they would schedule me an appointment with a therapist.

"Promise, me you can hold on until then?"

I felt so relieved. A weight had been lifted from my shoulders. My mother said she would finance the sessions. I thanked and thanked every higher being I could think of that night.

A year since that night, my mom has attended multiple therapy sessions with me and we can now freely talk about mental health without judgments.

I'm sorry... I get so emotional writing these blog posts.

But...at one point I thought I would never have the support I needed. I thought, that one night was going to be my last. I had planned it out and everything...

If it weren't for my mom hugging me and telling me she loved me and then everything was going to be fine... I wouldn't be here right now typing this. Sometimes that's all someone ever needs. Just one hand reaching out. Meeting you halfway.

I want this platform to be a hand for people who are also struggling. You are not alone. You can do it. Please get help if you need it. Don't try to do it alone. I know it may feel like no one understands, but I understand. I've been there before. Please let my experience be a lesson. Please hold on and get the help you need. Things will get better I swear. Love is the answer. One act of kindness, that's all you need.

Someone once said, when we are younger, we all have a superhero mentality. We look up to them because they save people. This person said, "It's okay if in this lifetime you only save one person, and it's okay if that one person is you."

It's true. You can do this! Fighting! Thank you to all mother's out there who may not always agree or understand what their child is going through, but are always there for them! Thanks for reading <3