My First Bike Ride in 20 years
Hi friends,
Riding a bike is certainly different than I remember it from twenty years ago. The brakes were on the handlebars; not the backward pedal! I also don't remember using gears as a child lol. The whole ordeal was very stressful and so I bullet journaled and am now writing a blog about it. For the bullet journal spread, feel free to visit my Instagram @OnePageOfSelfCareADay
If you'd like to read about my failure and successes today, let me elaborate. It felt like I was learning to walk all over again. However, my sister (bike partner) wanted me to run. Let's just say my sister is very proactive. The first time she re-learned to ride a bike, she rode for 20 miles...
As for me, I'm different in the fact that I get nervous crossing the crosswalk while WALKING. Forget riding across. WALKING across an intersection makes me anxious. The anxiety only leaped miles from there, quite literally (as we rode 4 miles today). I got anxious every time we came into close proximity to pedestrians and other riders. I had to keep calming myself down and repeating words of encouragement.
Side note: I swear sometimes I believe this blog should be called One Page a Day keeps the cray away because let me tell you... It's really hard explaining my anxiety to people. This was the first time my sister witnessed me have two anxiety attacks today. My legs and arms felt like Jell-O and there was so much adrenalin running through my body I didn't know what to do with myself. The climax of the entire 4 miles was halfway in when I could not for the life of me cruise down a steep hill. Maybe because I had a flashback to my younger years of this really really steep hill outside our neighborhood. I broke so hard once I realized I was about to relive that trauma, and almost crashed onto the grass.
I felt embarrassed when I had to walk it down the hill, and then ashamed when I saw 4-year-olds tackle the hill I had failed to conquer. That's when I had to sit off to the side of the trail and call my boyfriend to stop from having a mental breakdown. I felt so silly, I'm a grown-ass woman and I was scared. All these negative, irrational thoughts kept flooding my mind and I was about to give up.
I was so overwhelmed and stressed, because of these new obstacles and experiences; I was literally going to call my mom and have her pick us both up. My sister, although frustrated with me, told me I wasn't alone and then showed me I wasn't alone by joining me in walking my bike up the hill...
Overview
It's little things like this that I have to deal with on a daily basis. I feel like no one understands me and that I'm alone somedays; but, I know I'm not alone. That's why I wanted to start this blog. I wonder if people can relate or are even aware of the daily struggles people with anxiety and depression have to face. This bike ride was only one example.
I struggle with anxiety and depression on the daily, but it's how I react to these ongoing feelings, emotions, changes, pressure, negative thoughts, assumptions (mostly assumptions) and how I think people perceive me. Perception is everything.
If you want, join me as I ride through life on a mental health journey bullet journaling, as well as blogging along the way. These creative outlets help me to reflect, learn, record my experiences, and mental health progress (hopefully). You'll get to learn all about my therapy sessions, outbreaks, weekly life crisis' and more. Until tomorrow, thanks for reading :)
Riding a bike is certainly different than I remember it from twenty years ago. The brakes were on the handlebars; not the backward pedal! I also don't remember using gears as a child lol. The whole ordeal was very stressful and so I bullet journaled and am now writing a blog about it. For the bullet journal spread, feel free to visit my Instagram @OnePageOfSelfCareADay
If you'd like to read about my failure and successes today, let me elaborate. It felt like I was learning to walk all over again. However, my sister (bike partner) wanted me to run. Let's just say my sister is very proactive. The first time she re-learned to ride a bike, she rode for 20 miles...
As for me, I'm different in the fact that I get nervous crossing the crosswalk while WALKING. Forget riding across. WALKING across an intersection makes me anxious. The anxiety only leaped miles from there, quite literally (as we rode 4 miles today). I got anxious every time we came into close proximity to pedestrians and other riders. I had to keep calming myself down and repeating words of encouragement.
Side note: I swear sometimes I believe this blog should be called One Page a Day keeps the cray away because let me tell you... It's really hard explaining my anxiety to people. This was the first time my sister witnessed me have two anxiety attacks today. My legs and arms felt like Jell-O and there was so much adrenalin running through my body I didn't know what to do with myself. The climax of the entire 4 miles was halfway in when I could not for the life of me cruise down a steep hill. Maybe because I had a flashback to my younger years of this really really steep hill outside our neighborhood. I broke so hard once I realized I was about to relive that trauma, and almost crashed onto the grass.
I felt embarrassed when I had to walk it down the hill, and then ashamed when I saw 4-year-olds tackle the hill I had failed to conquer. That's when I had to sit off to the side of the trail and call my boyfriend to stop from having a mental breakdown. I felt so silly, I'm a grown-ass woman and I was scared. All these negative, irrational thoughts kept flooding my mind and I was about to give up.
I was so overwhelmed and stressed, because of these new obstacles and experiences; I was literally going to call my mom and have her pick us both up. My sister, although frustrated with me, told me I wasn't alone and then showed me I wasn't alone by joining me in walking my bike up the hill...
Overview
It's little things like this that I have to deal with on a daily basis. I feel like no one understands me and that I'm alone somedays; but, I know I'm not alone. That's why I wanted to start this blog. I wonder if people can relate or are even aware of the daily struggles people with anxiety and depression have to face. This bike ride was only one example.
I struggle with anxiety and depression on the daily, but it's how I react to these ongoing feelings, emotions, changes, pressure, negative thoughts, assumptions (mostly assumptions) and how I think people perceive me. Perception is everything.
If you want, join me as I ride through life on a mental health journey bullet journaling, as well as blogging along the way. These creative outlets help me to reflect, learn, record my experiences, and mental health progress (hopefully). You'll get to learn all about my therapy sessions, outbreaks, weekly life crisis' and more. Until tomorrow, thanks for reading :)
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