I am $40,000 in student loan Debt

Hi friends,

As you read from the title, I graduated college with $40,000 in student loan debt.

Talk about anxiety levels spiking. I remember the first time I received both my fed loans and discover student loans in one month, the minimum payment combined was about $500. I could not afford $500 a month with my internship pay of $8 an hour.

I could have changed my loans to an income based repayment plan but instead, I opted to join an americorps/ peace corps/teach for America program to receive an education award. I gained experience in my field for 10 months while receiving a stipend each month in the amount of $500 and a one time education award for $5000. I could only use the education award for tuition costs, or student loans.

Ever since graduating I knew I wanted to pay off my student loans to achieve financial freedom. I may not have known what I wanted to do with my life, but I knew I wanted to pay off my debt. I had a ton of oddball jobs, I dealt with a whole lot of racism, discrimination, and sexism in the work field. I felt pressured to find a career, where I liked the work, I liked my coworkers, and I felt like I had some sort of positive impact.

With each job however, I saw corruption, and felt used and abused by the hierarchy. I fell into a huge depression and there would be months between work, I felt unmotivated, sluggish, unproductive, and gloomy. I wouldn’t get out of bed because I would be like what’s the point? I have no purpose. I wouldn’t even know what to do with myself even if I did get up.

I hit rock bottom when, I had just finished taking a mental break from one job before transitioning to another job. I thought, I’ll just work part time so I can pay some bills and ease back into the work force. However, I was taken advantage of again and while performing a laborious task, where 4 other people were supposed to help me, I was alone. I got hurt on the job. Medical bills pilled up and I was scared. I couldn’t afford more expenses. I reached out to a lawyer and he helped me reach a generous settlement.

I was completely shaken up and stressed throughout the entire process. I felt like for some reason hardships always found me and I felt helpless. I just wanted nice coworkers, and a nice boss. I wanted to be valued as an employee and not be taken advantage of. However, throughout those brutal life experiences, I learned that your happiness is not measured through your accomplishments or job title.

I am happier now the I’ve ever been making minimum wage at $10 an hour working part-time hours. I still live with my parents at age 28 but saving to move out. I used to feel like such a failure at life, but I don’t feel that way anymore and honestly, the trick is changing your definition of success. I used to think being successful meant having a nice house with that white picket fence, and a nice job and car. However, that’s not the case. Success is not measured through my accomplishments. My self worth is not measured through my accomplishments.

So, I stopped comparing myself to others, and the lavish lives they led on Instagram or Facebook. I stopped telling myself I had to accomplish x, y, and z by the age of 25, or 30. I stopped pressuring myself to find a purpose, and being jealous of those who already knew what they wanted to do. I stopped looking for a job that I wanted to work for, for 30 plus years.

Instead I told myself, everyone is different, no one follows one direct path in life, there is no right or wrong path. I did not waste time, I gained life experience. I am good enough. I am not a disappointment. Everyone works at their own pace. Slow progress is better than no progress. I can be happy and successful.

My new definition of success is being happy - maintaining heathy relationships with myself and others.

That’s all. Nothing glamourous. Being successful to me, means being happy, because I was sad for so long...

I’ve developed good habits to help maintain healthy relationships, attitude and perception on life. Through these daily practices, I’m finally at peace with myself.

Four years after I’ve graduated college, I have thrown out bad habits, negative thinking, fear and doubt in my abilities/ self worth and am proud to say, I’ve paid off $20,000 in student loans. I’m happy and I think that’s worth celebrating.

I hope you all liked today’s story. Until next time!