Dealing with Depression and Anxiety in College

College is hard enough, but juggling school on top of depression and anxiety is H, E double hockey sticks.

It took me six years to graduate from a four-year institute. I considered dropping out on multiple occasions and here's why. 

1) My anxiety prevented me from seeing the professor during office hours. I didn't want them to know how dumb I really was even though that's what they are there for. Professors want you to pass their class, they want to explain the material if you don't understand it. 

2) Every time before a test, I would get a nervous breakdown. I never mastered the technique of studying and therefore never did well on tests. 

3) Giving presentations freaked me out. I always felt unprepared. I stumbled over sentences, lost my train of thought, and felt short of breath. 

4) I never got any sleep in college. I always pulled all-nighters and never ate a decent meal. I spent too much money on-campus food, usually Burger King.

5) I was dealing with an abusive relationship at the same time...

However, the good news is, 

1) I met my two best friends in college! 

2) I also joined a co-ed fraternity which was volunteer-based, to try to improve my social skills. 

3) There were also free health services on campus where I was able to talk to a counselor about the therapy I obviously needed. (I didn't know this until my last year of college, it would have been very helpful to receive six years of counseling instead of one semester, my last semester). 

Sometimes I wish I never struggled with depression, or the on and off toxic relationship during these years. I wanted my schoolwork to be my main focus, but I remember crying or skipping class because my boyfriend at the time beckoned me and I couldn't resist out of fear...

I sometimes wish I could go back in time and put my best effort into my studies, but then I remember, at that time, I did the best I could. There were some days I couldn't get out of bed, but I DID and went to class. There were some days I wanted to quit school, but I DIDN'T QUIT. I didn't have the knowledge, or coping mechanisms I do now, so it's easy to say, now, what I should or shouldn't have done, but I did what I could back then, with the only knowledge I had.

I try not to be too hard on myself. I know what I went through, I know how difficult it was, so I try not to judge myself.

Through my efforts, at least I have a degree and proved to myself that I am much stronger than I think I am. I could have easily quit, but I persevered. I accept and love myself for the flaws, mistakes, and mishaps I made in college.

I was with someone extremely manipulative who pointed out all my faults, didn't encourage me to put school first, and made me despise myself. It' nice to finally accept and love myself despite all my faults, because they helped build my identity. I now use my faults as lessons for the future. I am not perfect, and I don't want to be. 

I'm proud of myself for tackling school and an abusive relationship at the same time. I triumphed and came out on top. So don't be too hard on yourself. As long as you are doing the best you can, with the knowledge you have, you're succeeding. 

Gaining experience is what life is about. Every day I am learning and improving myself. I didn't let depression and anxiety stop me from graduating college, and I surely won't let it stop me from succeeding in future endeavors. Thank you for reading.